insight into me

Insight into me

While  boarding my bus way back to home, I noticed a lady asking a gentleman to let her first get on the bus. Her words were very familiar yet strange. She was a professor which made me believe that she was an empowered woman who knows her rights and believes in gender equity. But what she believed in was gender equality. Her words, “Ladies First”, are so hard to digest for me; myself being a woman; I was surprised and baffled.
Do women enjoy equality or better say- Do they actually crave for equality? Taking benefit of her gender simply to get a seat on a bus - was that actually a thing any independent woman would like doing? The gentleman though allowed her to occupy the seat but left me wonder – wasn’t she strong enough to carry her own self with high esteem? Was she really in the need of a seat or just knew how to use her gender in her favour? How to switch between the roles of an independent strong woman and an oppressed hesitant lady? I realized that this was only one single example. We have talked about patriarchy all our lives and that men resent women power at workplace. But what I saw that evening was a whole new picture.
Next day, in the office, again the matter of marriage was being discussed. Fingers being pointed at each other. Talking about the responsibilities and duties of a woman, one respected lady said that nowadays women who are working and earning a handsome amount want to marry a guy who can cook, look after the house, rear the children etc. They are shunning their responsibility and if possible they would want the men to bear the children as well. To this, the reply came that if a lady can hold a pen in one hand and a broom in the other, why can’t the men do the same? It was quite convincing and I talked to my friend about the whole thing. He said that if a woman doesn’t want to work, she can stay back at home and the society will be convinced but for a guy it is like a crime to stay unemployed. He has to earn even if he doesn’t feel like. If he is married, his wife may leave his job and put allegations on him for not giving time or not providing with enough money. This was also convincing as I never heard of a man leaving his job to look after the kids but what I felt was – it was a social pressure than any advantage that a woman can take.
I do agree with all of them at some point or the other. Yes, I do believe in gender equity and I am a healthy feminist but I do not look at men with a blurred vision. I do expect men to help their respective partners in household chores and day-to-day life as it does not affect hi masculinity in any manner. Rather it will reinforce the fact that he was born to and brought up by a real queen. Respecting his efforts is equally crucial. He may have to go through a lot to bring you the happiness you desire and his self-esteem/ pride or what I call- male ego- may not have allowed him to share it. He has to look strong even at his weakest hour just to justify his manliness. Howsoever broken he may be he can’t afford to put it on display. Mutual respect and understanding is what is required. Men and women, even if counter parts, have to co-exist. So why not make the best out of it, appreciate what you admire and accept the differences.
Instead of being hostile to each other or making a hue and cry for your rights, why not make a beautiful world for ourselves? A world where men don’t hold doors for you or pull a chair, leave a seat for you or pay the bill on every date- why not embrace equality? Why not shatter the gender roles? Sex roles can’t be changed but by breaking the gender roles we certainly can take a grass root step towards gender equity.
As a woman I look forward to a heaven called home in this very world of mine where there is nothing wrong with a man crying, nothing wrong with a man looking after his home and kids, nothing wrong with a man be-seated while a woman stands; but lots of respect and praises and respect for those who do it out of respect, love and care. I want woman to know and cherish their strength instead of choosing being “abala-the oppressed” or “a-bala- the oppressor” as per the requirement of the situation. We the woman of India do possess a Durga within us. No, I am not weak. I don’t need favours. I can stand for myself but yes it would be better if my man holds my hand throughout this journey called life.